One of the sites I often visit is called E-mails From and Asshole. It's run by a guy who goes by the name Mike. He posts funny responses to people who post classified ads on the internet. Some of the postings are so funny, I've had tears running down my face from laughing so hard. There is usually quite a span between new postings, but that's understandable when you see the complexity of some of the answers and you realize it must have taken many days for all the back-and-forth emails.
Below is one that is destined to become a classic. Hopefully Mike doesn't mind that I am posting it here, but it is just too funny!
Start:
Comanche Quest
Posted at: 2011-09-01 12:41:18 | 490 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
looking for a jeep comanche. must be running and in good condition. can pay up to $500. offers for other trucks will be ignored.
From Mike Partlow to *********@*********.org:looking for a jeep comanche. must be running and in good condition. can pay up to $500. offers for other trucks will be ignored.
Hey, I couldn't help but notice your ad looking for a Comanche. I don't have one, but seeing as it is such a rare car I figured I'd help you out and put you in touch with a friend of mine who is selling his. Would you like his contact information?
Mike
From Joel ******* to Mike Partlow:
yeah that would be great thanks
From Mike Partlow to Joel *******:
Okay, it is ***********@gmail.com. Just tell him Mike sent ya.
Mike
From Joel ******* to Mike Partlow:
ok thanks
From Joel ******* to Leo D:
hey there your friend mike told me that you were interested in selling your jeep comanche?
From Leo D to Joel *******:
Ugh...freaking Mike. I'm sorry. Mike is an idiot. I told him that I knew a guy selling a Comanche. I'm not selling one. If you want I can have that guy contact you. I'll give his email address: *******@yahoo.com
Sorry about that.
Leo
From Joel ******* to Leo D:
okay...
From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:
hey your friend leo told me you were selling a comanche?
From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:
Ah, Leo! I haven't talked to him in forever! How's he doing?
From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:
i dunno. i just met him online
From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:
Do me a favor, will ya? Tell Leo that Chris asked how he's doing?
From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:
are you selling a jeep comanche?
From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:
What did Leo say?
From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:
he said he is good
From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:
Great! Anyway, I'm not selling the Comanche, my brother is. Can I give him your email address so he can get in touch with you? His name is Randy.
From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:
oh god dammit. fine give him my email
From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:
Will do!
From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:
Hey, I just talked to Leo. He said you didn't tell him I asked how he was doing! Why did you lie to me?
From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:
look i dont give a FUCK man i just want to buy a fuckin comanche and you keep dicking me around. who gives a fuck how hes doing if you were talking to him then why the fuck didnt you just fucking ask him? for christ's sake just fucking put me through to the guy selling the comanche already
From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:
Calm down, son. No need to get your panties in a bunch. I just got off the phone with Randy and he is going to email you shortly.
From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:
Hello! Is this Joe?
From Joel ******* to Randy Vandrell:
no my name is joel
From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:
Oh, my mistake. I must have misheard Chris. I couldn't really hear him over the phone. He is using one of those new "smart phones" but personally I think they sound terrible. You won't find me using one of those, no sir. My good-ol-fashioned land line phone will do me just fine. Everyone always tells me I sound very clear on my phone, they ask me "Randy, how do you sound so crisp and clear on your phone?" and I tell them "I'm using a land line! If you want to sound clear, take your cell phone and throw it in the trash!" This new technology is a load of garbage if you ask me. You don't use a cell phone, do ya Joe? I wouldn't if I were you. Anyway, I just got off the phone with Chris. He tells me you are interested in buying my Jeep Cherokee?
From Joel ******* to Randy Vandrell:
no a jeep COMANCHE. please tell me you have a comanche not a fuckign cherokee
From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:
Ah, the Jeep Comanche! A fine vehicle. Mine was a 1994, had a lot of good times in that truck. Once I drove that truck all the way to Newark! Couldn't believe it made it, but that truck was one tough son-of-a-bitch. It was a long trip but I just popped in my Johnny Cash cassette tapes and I was set for the whole ride. Do you listen to Johnny Cash? Great man, he was. Anyway, the Comanche. I was selling that, yes. Unfortunately, I sold it to a guy about a month ago. Real nice guy who bought it, I'm trying to remember his name. I remember thinking it was Mike but it wasn't Mike. It was something foreign...I'm leaning towards "Mikel."
From Joel ******* to Randy Vandrell:
i dont give a fuck what his name is asshole. what the FUCK you fucking idiots just wasted my fucking time for nothing
From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:
Boy, Chris was right when he said you were an angry lad. Relax, I've got some good news for you. Mikel loved the Comanche, but he has to move far away and is unable to take the truck with him. Therefore he is trying to sell the truck. He tried to sell it back to me for 500 bucks, but I told him "Mikel, why in the hell would I need the Comanche? I just bought a new F150!" You should see my F150, it is really nice. Perfect for hauling my ATVs to Chris's house. Chris has a lot of property up in Hagerstown and we love to go offroading there with his pal Leo. Leo sure is a crazy son-of-a-bitch! Speaking of Leo, what's this I hear about you lying to Chris about asking Leo how he's doing? Why would you do that?
From Joel ******* to Randy Vandrell:
ENOUGH WITH THE RANTS JUST SHUT UP!!!!! HOLY SHIT WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!? I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANY OF YOUR SHIT ASS STORIES JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING GUY WHO IS SELLING THE COMANCHE!!! GOT THAT? NOT HIS SON, NOT HIS FUCKING BROTHER, JUST THE GUY WITH THE TRUCK. QUIT WASTING MY FUCKING TIME
From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:
Jeez, you sure are an angry fella! Don't like to talk much, do ya? I understand you're just trying to buy a truck. You're all business, I respect that. You're going to want to email Mikel. I am confident he is still trying to sell the truck. You'll love it, its a real beaut. Mikel's email address is ***********@hotmail.com
From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:
hey some jackass named randy told me he sold you a jeep comanche and you are looking to sell it?
From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:
Olen segaduses. Mida sa sellega öelda tahad? Kas te räägite eesti keeles?
From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:
fucking hell...ENGLISH? do you speak english?
From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:
American, yes?
From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:
yes philadelphia are you selling a jeep comanche?
From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:
Yes! Car sale, me to you sales of vehicle, yes?
From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:
yeah do you have pictures/information?
From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:
Yes photographs!
Its nice cars, yes?
From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:
THATS NOT A FUCKING JEEP COMANCHE RETARD
From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:
Oh you buys Jeep from me, yes? Comanche strongs truck! Loud! Vrrrrrrrr! Ha ha ha.
From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:
ha fucking ha. send me a picture of the fucking jeep
From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:
From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:
YES that is what i want. how much are you selling it for?
From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:
I sells for 5800 Kroons, yes?
From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:
what the fuck is a kroon? how much in AMERICAN MONEY?
From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:
Oh no, no Americans Dollars in here Estonia. Onlys kroon. Yous comes to Estonia to buy?
From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:
the jeep is in fucking estonia are you shitting me? i dont even know where the fuck that is
From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:
Yes, Estonia. Yous comes buy, yes?
From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:
NO! FUCK ESTONIA AND FUCK YOU!!! GODDAMMIT WHAT A WASTE OF FUCKING TIME
End.
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